• MOST IMPRESSIVE SPORTS MOMENT (Week-to-Week)
The final minutes of any Denver Broncos game
Since October, devout Christian and living Internet meme Tim Tebow has had more comeback victories in his rookie season than any quarterback ever. His stats are appalling but there was something exhilarating about watching him rush or pass to set up a final score to win against teams that clearly thought they had the game in the bag.
• MOST ANNOYING TREND
“Vagina” as a punchline
I blame Whitney Cummings for this—as I do most things—but sitcoms across the airwaves thought they could just insert the clinical term for lady-parts and it would garner instant laughs. Judging by studio audiences of less discriminating taste, they were tragically right.
• MOST COLOSSAL DISAPPOINTMENT
Person of Interest (CBS)
Jesus. With a rocket launcher. Working with a rogue CIA agent. Produced by Christopher Nolan’s brother. That should be the most amazing show on TV. Unfortunately, Person of Interest quickly bypassed any tricky moral quandaries and went straight to Procedural-ville, strangling any creativity along with it.
• BIGGEST FUSTERCLUCK
American Horror Story (FX)
My WTF meter was working overtime watching the pilot for this show. The bizarre moments weren’t enough to keep me coming back, and apparently the show made less sense the longer it was on. Maybe it was worth avoiding?
• BEST PRE-NAP RITUAL
Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (Food Network)
Sundays after church are perfect for afternoon naps. But you can’t drift off to dreamland without first taking in an hour of Guy Fieri criss-crossing the U.S. to find the nation’s best greasy spoons. It’s a real treat: You get the food coma without the high blood pressure.
“LOOK! I’M ON TV!”
• College GameDay: LSU vs. Oregon (ESPN)
Last year it was Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. This year it was College GameDay. If you paused your TV at the right moment, you could sort of tell it was me. Outside Cowboys Stadium on a scorching September morning, I was the one holding the “Corso is a Furry” sign.
• ENDING I WAS MOST EXCITED ABOUT
Glenn Beck (Fox News)
Well, I was excited about the conspiracy theorist finally leaving television sets. Until I found out he was setting up in Southlake, which is way too close for comfort.
• JAG “IS THAT THING STILL ON” AWARD?
Californication (Showtime)
Yeah, I keep thinking Showtime had canceled this show since it wasn’t on at all during 2010. But apparently David Duchovny’s autobiography dramedy is still going strong. Season five starts later this month.
• TOO SOON AWARD
South Park, “The Poor Kid” (Comedy Central)
Because South Park’s animation is so shoddy, Trey Parker and Matt Stone can be far more topical than almost any other sitcom. This episode featured a social worker dropping Penn State jokes left and right, then playing it off because, he says, “We like to have fun around here.” The one-liners get a little repetitive, until Cartman calls the guy out for “re-purposing old Catholic jokes.” The episode was fine on its own without it, with the kids’ relaxation room filled with images of horrifying clowns and Kenny and his sister being relocated to a strict agnostic household. (They’re only allowed to drink Dr Pepper because no one can be sure if it’s cola or root beer.) This was a clear case of Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should.
• BEST PUBLIC HUMILIATION
Mavericks vs. Lakers, NBA Western Conference Quarter-Finals: Game 4 (ABC)
AKA the “Mother’s Day Massacre.” Mavs were already up 3-0 in the series—a series no one except Charles Barkley predicted them to win. It was do or die for the defending champs, and they could not have looked more pathetic. It was actually a two-headed assault: the Lakers offense couldn’t buy a bucket, and their defense could not stop Jet or Peja, as they combined for 53 points, most of them “from downtown” as lazy sportscasters would put it. The humiliation got to the Lakers as Lamar Odom shoved Dirk and got ejected. Then, moments later, Andrew Bynum elbowed J.J. Barea in the ribs, getting ejected and suspended for the start of this season. The Mavs ended up winning 122-86. My excitement was only topped in Game 6 of the Finals.