2011 in Review: The Worst Songs

There’s already a playlist for this one, but I figured I’d shed a little light on the worst songs of the year. Absent you’ll notice are Insane Clown Posse, Chris Brown & Ludacris and Rebecca Black. All three songs are pretty terrible by most accounts, but they have a kind of fun endurance-test quality that excludes them from this list. I could listen to those songs again and laugh or marvel at how they got made. But I couldn’t bear to hear any of the following 15 tracks ever again.

· Bad Meets Evil feat. Bruno Mars – “Lighters”
Every other word has to be bleeped, so this song is an incoherent mess. Plus, Bruno freaking Mars.

· Bruno Mars – “The Lazy Song”
Speaking of which, I can’t think of a more appropriately named song ever to appear on the radio.

· Dev – “In the Dark”
The sax solo only solidifies this as the year’s creepiest song.

· Dr. Dre feat. Eminem and Skylar Grey – “I Need a Doctor”
Maybe he should just stick to headphones.

· Katy Perry feat. Kanye West – “E.T.”
Katy Perry and Kanye West both know how to craft catchy pop songs, so why is their pairing so grating?

· Ke$ha – “Blow”
As long as she keeps putting out songs, she’ll keep finding herself on these lists.

· Kim Kardashian – “Jam! (Turn it Up)”
If you’re inviting – nay, demanding – I come to the dance floor, you shouldn’t sound so bored.

· Lil Wayne – “How to Love”
Lil Wayne 2010: terrible Gene Simmons impression. Lil Wayne 2011: terrible James Taylor impression.

· LMFAO – “Champagne Showers”
The point at which they went from fun-stupid to stupid-stupid.

· Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera – “Moves Like Jagger”
So your moves are stale and make you look like you’re desperate to return to a time when you still had it?

· OneRepublic – “Good Life”
Only Ryan Tedder could make Disney World seem unappealing.

· Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo – “Give Me Everything”
Everything’s OK with this song until Pitbull has to open his big stupid mouth. You can’t rap, dude. You rhymed Kodak with Kodak. And I don’t need you telling me to drink Dr Pepper. Besides, you drink Bud Light so your taste buds are obviously fried.

· Rick Ross feat. Lil Wayne – “9 Piece”
You think these guys got high and lost one of their lyric sheets? That’s what I think. How else to explain the same two phrases repeated over and over and over?

· Skrillex – “First of the Year (Equinox)”
Ladies and gentlemen, Grammy-nominated Skrillex! I honestly don’t understand how anyone could listen to this.

· will.i.am feat. Jennifer Lopez – “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)”
Even if you’re not a Black Eyed Peas fan (I certainly don’t consider myself one), you have to admit the man could make a catchy pop song. So why can’t he do the same for any of his solo efforts? Is Fergie really the secret to his success? If so, yikes.

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